After I'd told a client recently that she actually already had the ingredients to create the successful outcome she wanted, she replied "Do I? I can't see them!". When I went on to suggest one way she could put them together and we discussed the likely results of that, she said in an exhasperated tone: "Now why couldn't I see that??!"
The answer was very simple: she can't see her self from outside herself. It's the same for all of us and it's not a weakness, just a human limitation. Without the help of mirrors, I can't even see my face, neck or back. (Or backside, ok, ok). I can see the effect I have on a situation, but I often can't see the ways in which I'm causing it.
Johari's Window tells us that each of us have blindspots, where the things we can't see about our person or our situation are perfectly obvious to others. So if we often have the ingredients for success, but success doesn't seem to be coming, what do we do?
I love chocolate cake. I even have a fair idea of what I need to make a great one! Off the top of my head, I'd need: cocoa, self-raising flour, an egg, a small amount of salt, some sugar, butter, a baking tin and an oven. Now I'm not sure whether that's completely correct, but I'm in the ballpark somewhere close. While other people might have the knack for intuitively putting those ingredients together into something edible and tasty, I need a recipe! I'd need to go find someone who can either give it to me in writing (maybe via their book) OR someone willing to look over my shoulder and step me through it.
It's no different in project-management, people-management, inventing, reaching a personal goal, resolving a family conflict, or improving your study habits. If you are prone to beating yourself up about not being able to move forward in your situation, "put the weapon down and step away from the car!"
Go talk to people. Go get a book from the library. Listen to recipes. We need the counsel, insight and feedback of others.
And one last thing: when you get a recipe you like, use it. Don't just say, "That's a well-written recipe! Now I understand how to make a chocolate cake. Success!" Have a go at it. Have several goes at it. Try to apply your learning in small safe steps – learn from the failures and build on the successes.
Through relationship with others, you have what it takes…
